Siblings are so much fun, especially when they are yours. Siblings are fun AND challenging when they are your children. You love watching them interact, you love watching their relationships grow and you hope they stay life long friends. AND you are the judge, mediator, and referee over the years. I remember when our three children were little ones, about 5, 4 and 2. The fights about EVERYTHING were endless. I’m sitting there today...I’m finished brushing my teeth first...I WANT the purple cup...he touched my crayon...I mean ENDLESS! Finally, after months of negotiating and mediating with them, I said, “Gabe is green, Dominic blue and Allie pink, ALWAYS!” I had to pick “Gabe is Green” because it was the only way to remember who was what color. The beginning of this I assigned colors and then couldn’t remember who had what color, imagine the fighting then! I, the mediator, had no leg to stand on because I couldn’t remember who was what color...ugh! Then I brilliantly (if I do say so myself) came up with Gabe is Green, Domo blue and Allie pink. As they settled into this new rule I realized this could spill over into many aspects of parenting that would alleviate a lot of the fighting.
Thus the military operation began. Assigned seats at the table, a set bedtime, bath before dinner, dinner with jammies on, 3 books at bedtime. I even tried Monday is fish day, Tuesday pasta, Wednesday mac and cheese (hump day), etc. Over time I realized my job as a mediator was not as full, they settled into the different “rules”, accepted them and there was a lot less negotiating. After reflecting on all these rules, I realized we all want rules and leadership. Who wants to be making and fighting for their place in the world and the blue sippy cups everyday? I make enough decisions each day and have enough to negotiate in running a house, I mean how many hours have you spent on the phone with your cell and internet service?
As the kids grew, new rules had to be put in place. Who remembers the endless times yelling, “shotgun” as you were both running to the car to get in the passenger's seat before your brother or sister? I had a year and a half to figure out how I was going to deal with “shotgun”. When Gabe, my second child, turned 12 and could sit in the front, he got shotgun, everyday for a month. Then he had shotgun on odd days and Dominic on even days. They quickly learned to pay attention to the day of the week, bonus. They both just played by the rules on this one. As they were running to the car they now looked at a calendar to figure out the date. Two years later, Allie turned 12 and could sit in the front seat...what to do, what to do...now there are three to deal with. SO new rule; MW, Dominic, T/TH, Gabe, F/Sat Allie and I suggested, who had the cleanest room got Sundays!...so fun, right?! Well, let’s just say you win some you lose some, I heard “SHOTGUN” as they ran and pushed their way to the car on Sundays, at least it was only one day.
One day as I was picking the kids up from school, MS, I saw two kids run to the car and yelling “shotgun” and “dad it's my turn and he’s in the front” came spewing out of the car window. I said, “hang on guys, I’ll be right back” I got, “no no no mom, don’t go over there!” But I of course ignored that and chuckled as they sunk down horrified in their seats. I said to the dad, “want the best gift ever?” “YES PLEASE!” he said. I said, “Assign days of the week or dates to the passenger seat.” He looked at me and said “OK, I’ll give it a try.” I saw him a week later, he was the one coming to my car this time. “I owe you big time, best advice I ever got, our drives are so much more pleasant, thank you.”
Funny enough, as the kids grew, Gabe’s Green stuck, he always said, Gabe’s Green I want a green shirt, coat, etc. Last year, as a sophomore in college, I was in a store getting some clothes and sent him a picture of a green shirt. He called and said, “mom I’m trying to branch out and get something other than green.” Guess they all grow up at some point. :-) Want more ideas on how to deal with negotiations? Write and we can talk.
